Walking Fast

Over the past few years, people frequently mention how quickly I walk on a regular basis. It's undeniable that I do, indeed, walk very quickly, as evidenced by the fact that I often have to walk around both girls and guys alike, because they are walking much too slowly for my own pace. There are many different reasons for this particular fact about me, some of them deeper than others, but I have been thinking about one of those reasons quite a bit lately and, as a result, decided to write about it here.

To put it succinctly: those who walk quickly don't get hurt. Perhaps I mean this more metaphorically than I do actually. In life, it's the people who slow down, chat with others, and make friends that end up getting hurt the most. Those who walk quickly through life - too fast for others to keep up - so that they are left alone, but independent, avoid every instance where bonding could take place or a relationship could grow. If you walk fast, you avoid the pain.

Yet part of me knows that this is not the best way to go through life, even if it is the most painless way. Because by whipping past everyone in life, you will end up whole and independent, but utterly alone. So it becomes a question: is it worth the inevitable pain to slow down, take a chance, and build relationships? I don't always believe I have the answer to this question, though my heart tells me in a quiet voice that the answer is "yes." But when you're hurt and afraid of being crushed, it's so easy to simply let the self-defense mechanisms take control, let the walls go high, and start walking fast again.

Walking fast, I have learned, also gives one the appearance of confidence, self-assurance, and self-sufficiency. It's those who slow down and look around them, unsure and wondering, that become the victims of others. It's the unsure that get trampled. People can't take advantage of you if you don't give them the chance to capitalize on your uncertainty. This may seem harsh and perhaps even arrogant, but it's a way to ascertain protection. Asking for help is one of the most difficult things to do for someone like me. I hate admitting when I'm weak and I need someone else's assistance in any area of life. I'm a survivor and I make it on my own. But I am slowly learning that it is all right to depend on someone else at times. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. I am trying to remember this and to learn it. In the meantime, however, I walk fast.