She Grew Up

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [grew up], I gave up childish ways."

Looking back, I realize just how far back I have to think to get to a point in my memory when I was clearly a child and acted accordingly. I grew up quickly. The events of my life have been such that I was not long able to remain in that state of innocence and naivete for which children are known. Instead, I became acquainted with the harsh reality of life. I never truly suffered; I was never burned at the stake. I was never destroyed. But I was dragged through the coals enough to bring reality into a sharper focus than is usually acquired at a comparatively young age. So I learned how to cope with this new insight. I became a little "teenage forty-year-old" as I was called on more than one occasion. I matured. I learned to put aside childish things. I grew up. Ever since then, it has been a battle for me to allow myself to, at times, act my age. I developed a distinct distaste for certain things that I considered to be frivolous and empty, and I developed a distaste for those who still enjoyed those activities or pursuits. I was, admittedly, condescending, almost as an adult to a little child, peering down from my state of enlightenment, smiling at the naivete and innocence of youth. The problem is that I am just eighteen now. In the eyes of most, I am still very young. Under normal circumstances, I would still be immersed in the innocence that makes some both beautiful and simple. But then I have to ask myself, what are normal circumstances? Every person is given a life to live and there is a reason, no matter how it appears outwardly, for each event of our lives. Every person has their own particular set of struggles and difficulties that they have to face and conquer in their own way. So who am I to say that I had it any worse than anyone else? Who am I to say that I dealt with my life any better than anyone else did with theirs? I cannot be the judge. It is not my place, and I will not dare to raise myself to that level. Instead, I must make peace with the past, face the present, and plan for the future. Yes, perhaps I grew up faster than the average person. But self-pity, self-satisfaction, or brooding are not the correct responses to such a fact. That was my life. That contributed to making me who I am, for better or for worse. If I don't like who I am, it's my responsibility to change it. If I am content with who I am, it's my responsibility to maintain it and to grow further. Either way, getting stuck in the past will not change or help anything. The past is over; it's already been lived. I can only decide how I will live now, today. I put away childish things long ago, and now it's time to deal with that like an adult and move on.