It is possible that the one word that would describe my life of recent years is defiance. Defiance against the low expectations and pain and condemnation that held me chained in defeat for so many years. Defiance against those that told me I was worthless and would never get anywhere in life. Even now, as I write these words, I feel that now-familiar stubbornness rise within me at this judgment. For so long, I let these words defeat me, dragging me down, leaving me hopeless, and killing me slowly. The change did not come suddenly or overnight; rather, it was a long process that was full of those "one step forward, three steps back" times of which life is so full. Even now, I struggle to fight against feelings of defeat, but whenever those feelings return, I remember that defiance and allow it to fill me once again. The defiance that helped me to rise again, to break all the expectations, and to prove them all wrong. The defiance that allowed me to finally live. At times, I hear people around me saying that no one thinks they're good enough or worth anything. Every time I hear this, I am filled with an anger beyond expression - an infuriation at the people who dare crush others in this way, because I know all too well the damage it can do and the pain it inflicts. But I am also filled with the urge to explain to the people who struggle that it doesn't have to be that way. They don't have to live life defeated and weak anymore. Who cares what other people think and say about you? Prove them wrong. Never let them win that victory, because they don't deserve it. Rise above it all and live long enough to show them that you were strong enough to grow beyond them. Learn to soar when they try to make you crawl. No one has to live a defeated life. We all have the choice to get beyond it. Choose it. Accept it. Embrace it. Will we ever do it perfectly? Probably not. But never stop trying. Never surrender. I have learned to live a life of honest defiance against anyone who would try to crush me once again. I've been there. I've lived that way and I will never do it again. Someone says I'm worthless. Fine. Just let them watch me prove them all wrong. I will be strong enough to grow beyond the pain and determined enough to beat all the odds.
31 December 2012
Defiance
It is possible that the one word that would describe my life of recent years is defiance. Defiance against the low expectations and pain and condemnation that held me chained in defeat for so many years. Defiance against those that told me I was worthless and would never get anywhere in life. Even now, as I write these words, I feel that now-familiar stubbornness rise within me at this judgment. For so long, I let these words defeat me, dragging me down, leaving me hopeless, and killing me slowly. The change did not come suddenly or overnight; rather, it was a long process that was full of those "one step forward, three steps back" times of which life is so full. Even now, I struggle to fight against feelings of defeat, but whenever those feelings return, I remember that defiance and allow it to fill me once again. The defiance that helped me to rise again, to break all the expectations, and to prove them all wrong. The defiance that allowed me to finally live. At times, I hear people around me saying that no one thinks they're good enough or worth anything. Every time I hear this, I am filled with an anger beyond expression - an infuriation at the people who dare crush others in this way, because I know all too well the damage it can do and the pain it inflicts. But I am also filled with the urge to explain to the people who struggle that it doesn't have to be that way. They don't have to live life defeated and weak anymore. Who cares what other people think and say about you? Prove them wrong. Never let them win that victory, because they don't deserve it. Rise above it all and live long enough to show them that you were strong enough to grow beyond them. Learn to soar when they try to make you crawl. No one has to live a defeated life. We all have the choice to get beyond it. Choose it. Accept it. Embrace it. Will we ever do it perfectly? Probably not. But never stop trying. Never surrender. I have learned to live a life of honest defiance against anyone who would try to crush me once again. I've been there. I've lived that way and I will never do it again. Someone says I'm worthless. Fine. Just let them watch me prove them all wrong. I will be strong enough to grow beyond the pain and determined enough to beat all the odds.
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What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
ReplyDelete“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:31-39)