From Rock Back into Diamond: Daring to be Vibrant

Precious, rare, unique, fallen, but entirely original. This is how each person enters this world. Unaltered by the social pressures of the atmosphere into which he/she was born, each characteristic and appearance was specifically chosen for each individual. No mistakes. No repetitions. This is us at birth.

Then slowly the world seeps in and teaches us that it isn't acceptable to be different, to be unique. Being different makes others uncomfortable and sometimes insecure. So they encourage us to change to become just like they are: empty, carbon copies of the once special creatures they were born to be. And we buy the lie: hook, line, and sinker. No questions asked. We just accept it. We start viewing any differences as character flaws very early in life. All too quickly, we learn to follow the trends and beg our parents to let us do what "everyone else is doing." This prevalent justification seems completely legitimate to us. Surely our parents don't want us to be different. Don't they know how awkward it is to stand out? Don't they want us to just "fit in"?

The problem is that the instant we "fit in" and become just like everyone else, we become common. No more are we the unique creature we were meant to be. We take control of our fates and somehow think we are better off being common than being special. Ironically, after we finally feel like we "fit in," we wonder why it feels so empty and why no one thinks of us as anything more than the average. We are only getting what we sought, but once we get it, it's not as satisfying as we thought it would be. Because we bought the lie long ago, usually without even realizing it. The lie is sly and seductive. It looks so appealing, but it is deadly in the end. It sucks the life and joy out of every person and makes them into more empty statues in the garden of the fallen.

I, too, fell prey to this lie at a young age, though my early environment allowed me to escape its presence for longer than usual. Recently, however, I began to carefully observe those among my acquaintance who I admired and who were generally admired by others. All at once, I realized that these people were the ones who were utterly unique: quirky, unusual, and completely comfortable with that. Because, despite our lifelong struggle to "fit in," a part of us (albeit sometimes grudgingly) admires those who don't. We notice and miss the uniqueness that was meant to be ours.

What is truly remarkable is how gullible we are, not seeing the blatant loss that occurs every time we conceal or lie about some characteristic that makes us who we are. In other instances, it seems so clear, but when applied to people, suddenly we become blind to it. For instance, just ask yourself, why aren't rocks valuable? Because they are common. We find them everywhere. There is nothing special about them. Why are diamonds prized so highly? Because they are rare and difficult to make. See the point? We are born diamonds, but every day we work oh so hard to transform ourselves into common rocks, covering the shimmer with dirt, so that we will fit in. And we don't even see the tragedy occurring right before our eyes and by our own hands.

To further illustrate this point, think back to high school. Did you ever have a foreign exchange student come to school? If yes, what was the usual reaction to this student? Frequently, kids gathered around him/her like moths to light. Why? Because they were different, from a different country, speaking with a different accent, who had seen different things. Whether we like it or not, we all long to be considered different and special. The current "hipster" movement is a clear indication of this hidden desire. Yet if such is the case, why do we spend so much effort trying to be just like everyone else?

But it is not just more socially acceptable to "fit in"; it's also safer and less intimidating. When we learn to blend into the background, we avoid many of the risks that those who stand out take. Yet, though this adds a new level to the effort and makes it more understandable, this does not make it less of a loss. No matter the reasons, it is still a tragedy when a diamond turns to simple rock. Safer is not always better, despite everything our self-defense mechanisms constantly tell us.

So how do we change this? The answer is fairly simple, though admittedly, the execution is much more challenging. Dare to be different. Dare to be vibrant. Don't settle for being common anymore. Will it always be easy? No. There is a constant pressure around us to "fit in" and sometimes the process of becoming who we truly are is flat-out intimidating, but just because something is difficult does not mean it is impossible or not worthwhile. It can be accomplished with daily efforts and small steps. Don't hide behind the mask of the trend. Dare to be just who you are. Dare to stand out.

(It is worthwhile to note, however, that this is not license to do whatever we like, to go wild, or to be unwilling to grow. Self-control is always necessary, no matter if you are pretending to be someone else or simply being yourself. Also, growth is a encouraging part of life that should be sought after, and a willingness to be unique should not become an excuse for complacency. Just let the reason for any change be a desire to grow, not to be like everyone else. Note that one is moving forward, the other regressing.)