No Indian Givers, No Lukewarm Hearts

Lately, I have been reminded how many lessons there are to learn in life. I have learned that I am a constant work in progress, always learning, always growing until the day I die. Although it is encouraging to see growth throughout the years, it is also discouraging to each day see more clearly how much I still have to learn. In this way, life is a constant lesson in humility.

One idea that has been impressed upon me of late is that when we say we are Christians and we give our lives to God, we can't just give Him part of us: part of our efforts, part of our hearts, part of our allegiance. When we give our lives to God, we have to give Him everything - completely and utterly putting Him first, above everything else in our lives. So often, we are tempted to put God in a box, allowing Him to impact certain things in our lives, but not others. We want Him to be there on Sunday at church, but we like to do our own thing at school or at work. The idea of living our whole lives - every minute, every second - for God and His glory, is a very unpopular one in this humanistic, "me first" society, but that does not make it less true. God wants all or nothing. He's not content with half of us, and He is not content to impact only one aspect of our lives. When it comes right down to it, if we only want God to be master over part of us, we probably are not even giving Him that part of us, or we have a very false idea of what it means to have a relationship with God. In giving God part of us, we are probably seeking His blessing or comfort, to make our lives better. We like to keep Him in a little box, nice and contained, where we can pull Him out when we need Him. But let Him impact everything? That would be very inconvenient! Why? Because our wills do not always coincide with God's and in letting Him be master over our whole lives, we must be willing to submit to His will rather than our own. This goes against nature and can, at times, be downright painful. However, His will is better than our own and it is our duty (and should be our joy) to submit to His will for us. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" But in order to love and serve God as we should, we have to give Him everything. This act of surrender is not easy, but it is necessary and so worth it. It is also rarely a one time act. As humans in our sinful state, we keep wanting to pull back and take control again. We have to be continually reminded to surrender ourselves to God again and again.

It is also important to note the distinction between how we generally consider the act of surrender and in how it relates to God. We see surrender as a defeat, and in war, it is. However, surrender to God is a beautiful act of humility, trust, and faith. Abraham Kuyper said, "In the total expanse of human life, there is not a single square inch of which the Christ, who alone is sovereign, does not declare, 'That is mine!'" Our human hearts rebel against the idea of giving God control over everything. We like to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. Surrender goes directly against our nature, but it is only when we finally surrender that we will finally find peace for our restless hearts. It is only when we willingly hand control of our lives over to God that we realize it was never ours to begin with. In surrendering our entire lives to God, we are just giving Him what He already has. We are His creatures; He is our Creator.

In a sermon he preached on the subject in 1876, Charles Spurgeon said: "Submit yourselves unto God"—is it not right upon the very face of it? Is it not wise? Does not conscience tell us that we ought to submit? Does not reason bear witness that it must be best to do so? "Submit yourselves unto God." Should not the creature be submissive to the Creator, to whom it owes its existence, without whom it had never been, and without whose continuous good pleasure it would at once cease to be? Our Creator is infinitely good, and his will is love: to submit to one who is "too wise to err, too good to be unkind," should not be hard. If he were a tyrant it might be courageous to resist, but since he is a Father it is ungrateful to rebel. He cannot do anything which is not perfectly just, nor will he do aught which is inconsistent with the best interests of our race; therefore to resist him is to contend against one's own advantage, and, like the untamed bullock, to kick against the pricks to our own hurt. "Submit yourselves unto God"—it is what angels do, what kings and prophets have done, what the best of men delight in—there is therefore no dishonor nor sorrow in so doing. All nature is submissive to his laws; suns and stars yield to his behests, we shall but be in harmony with the universe in willingly bowing to his sway.

Therefore, I am learning to daily surrender myself to God, to whom I gave my life and who I serve, no matter the consequences. For, though it may cost me temporary pain and loss, I know that God's will is better and wiser than my own and that He will work all things according to my eternal good and sanctification, even when I cannot see it. Indeed, "the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower."

Surrender

Once again I said my goodbyes

To those who I love most

My heart feels that familiar pain

As I long for home

'Cause this road is hard

When I feel so far

God, I'm crying out tonight

'Cause I've given You my life

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind

So once more here's my life

On the day that You called my name

All that I knew changed

I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same

Though the call is hard

You are worth it all

God, I'm crying out tonight

'Cause I've given You my life

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind

So once more

Even when the tears are falling

When I find I fear the calling

You remind me

Words You've spoken over my life

Promises I've yet to see

You comfort me

God, I'm crying out tonight

'Cause I've given You my life

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind

So once more, here's my life

- "Here's My Life" by BarlowGirl -

His Inexplicable Purposes

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up His bright designs

And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

And He will make it plain.

- "God Moves in a Mysterious Way" by William Cowper

Losing What You Never Had

"I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt

to lose something you never really had."

Deeper than in Theory

Each person has a worldview and certain beliefs that they claim to hold, even if the only belief they would cite is that every person should do whatever they like. That's still something they live by. With this in mind, people often hold beliefs only in theory. Meaning they talk about it, commit to it, judge those who go against it, but when the time comes to put that belief into action in reality, suddenly its ramifications come crystal clear. More often than not, the result is a sudden, unexplained abandonment of said belief. Suddenly, it's not worth it anymore. Other times, that person holds to their belief and suffers the consequences, come what may. A result of this general observation is the realization that the only beliefs that really matter are the ones you are willing to uphold in reality. Be careful what you say you believe, because when the time comes to carry it out, you will either back out and look hypocritical, or you will uphold it and go through the pain that sometimes accompanies it. This is not to insinuate that beliefs are not worthwhile. They are a necessary and integral part of life. It is just worthwhile to analyze the beliefs that you orally cite to make sure that you actually believe them deeply enough to stick to them when the consequences aren't pleasant or easy. It is in times like these that you realize exactly what you truly believe and what will simply blow away in the winds of difficulty. At the same time, it is worthwhile to note that some beliefs you cite are actually shown to be fairly foolish in reality. In cases such as these, it is right not to follow through, but you still end up looking foolish for not seeing the logical conclusion of this belief before then. Moral of the story being, when someone asks you what you believe about something, be careful what you say and be prepared to back it up if you are ever faced with a situation in life when you have to.

My Offering

I betrayed, You forgave

I ran away, still You stayed

And I lived a lie, You spoke the truth

Now I'm undone, with no excuse

I cursed Your name, You called me child

I was to blame, You went to trial

And I lived to take, You died to give me more than I could ever find

And on my own, I made a mess of things

But You take it as my offering

You take the best and worst of me

And peace is at Your throne

Where the broken are made whole

And I can't imagine anything

More beautiful or more amazing

When I bring everything

And You take it as my offering

I'm full of doubt, You're full of mercy

I come unwound, but You restore me

When I'm shaking like a leaf, You're the comfort that I need

That melts my fears away

And on my own, I made a mess of things

And You take it as my offering

My life is made an offering

I'm Yours and Yours alone

You take is as my offering

My life is made an offering

I'm Yours and Yours alone

- "My Offering" : 33 Miles -

"...the stronghold of my life"

‎"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? ...One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple... I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Learning Wisdom

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

- attributed to Confucius

One Life to Love

You only get just one time around,

You only get one shot at this,

One chance to find out the one thing that you don’t wanna miss.

One day, when it’s all said and done,

I hope you see that it was enough:

This one ride, one try, one life to love.

- "One Life to Love", 33 Miles -

Taking It All in Stride

This morning, I woke up and looked out my window to see a bright blue sky and mist rising from the fountain below. The sight was welcoming and pleasant; a brilliant way to start the day. Now, I'm not going to say that I had one of those "All is right with the world. Life is good. Nothing's ever going to go wrong." moments, because I didn't. I am a realist and I know that some things are not all right. Life is not always good. And many things have gone wrong and will go wrong in the future. What I did realize very clearly, though, was that I couldn't change my circumstances and what happens in my life. I could, however, determine how I reacted to those events. That is the one thing over which I hold control. So I determined that today, no matter what happened, I would not succumb to frustration or despondency. Rather, I would face whatever the day held for me with courage and a smile.

Little did I know that I would be fighting a horrible cold all day, have to take a difficult Spanish quiz, and end up falling down the stairs in front of a crowd of students, bruising my knee and my pride. Yet somehow, I managed to keep everything in perspective, because of my determination to not let it beat me. After all, I will get over my cold, I did the best I could on my Spanish quiz, my knee will heal, and rather than wallow in embarrassment, I chose to laugh at myself after falling down the stairs. As a result, what could've turned into a really lousy day was actually quite pleasant - just because I chose to control my attitude instead of letting the events of the day and the people around me control it.

It was a good reminder. Rather than getting stuck in what we can't control, we need to remember what we can - how we respond. After all, like it or not, things we don't like will happen, people will annoy us, there will be difficult assignments, and the weather won't always be pleasant. Some times we'll fall down the stairs (or at least, I will). So we have two choices: we can let it beat us down, making us despondent and unpleasant, or we can take it in stride and learn how to keep smiling through the struggles. It's not easy, but most things worth accomplishing aren't easy. And don't forget, even when you fail in your endeavor, you can always start over. Don't give up. Dust yourself off and keep going.

Real Girls

Quotes about the "real girls" - the ones who serve as inspiration to those of us who are still finding our way:

“This is for the girls who don’t always win. The girls who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them. The girls that laugh, smile, cry and think all on a daily basis. The girls who love, learn and regret. The girls who may never have it easy. The girls who learn the hard way to live and tell about it. The real girls.”

“One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.”

“Here’s to the girls: That keep a smile even though they’re going through hell. That keep their head high, even though they’d rather be elsewhere. That give amazing advice, but can’t seem to follow it themselves. That can make anyone laugh, but herself. Here’s to her.”

“All girls really want is someone to want them back.”

"You will find a girl prettier than me, smarter than me, and funnier than me, but you will never find a girl just like me."

“Silence is a girl’s loudest cry.”

“Behind every girl’s favorite song, is an untold story.”

“It takes time to understand a girl. But if she’s really worth it, you’d take time to try to figure her out.”

“Keep your heels, head, and standards high.”

Brave Enough to Climb

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

- Anonymous

Unresolved or Unresolvable? Learning to Trust

One of the many purposes for this blog in my mind is to be a means through which I can write out and explore issues, topics, and thoughts that I am considering. Often, if I come to a conclusion about something after considering it for a length of time and think that conclusion to be worthwhile, I record my observations and thought process here. However, sometimes there is an issue on my mind that I find myself wanting to write about, wanting to explore, but somehow my thoughts always come to a brick wall. No matter how I mentally examine the issue, I can reach no conclusion about it. As a result, they remain unresolved mysteries to me. It is thoughts like these that constantly remind me that not everything can be explained. This frustrates me, as someone who very much likes to have everything make sense. I like to understand everything that occurs, everything I know. I hate it when something happens that I can't explain or that I don't understand. However, over the years, I have been forced to learn that there are certain things that simply cannot be explained, no matter how much thought or energy we invest in it. Now, of course, numerous things that I do not understand actually do have an explanation of which I am unaware and, as a result, cause questions that I cannot answer. This is only natural, as it is not possible for one person to know all things. Regardless, there are still many things in this complex world that no one has been able to truly resolve or explain. It is these things that can keep me up at night, until I reach that moment when I realize I must learn to be content in not always understanding everything. It would be prideful of me to think that I could. Though it goes against my nature to come to such a conclusion, it is one that must be reached, lest I become mad with wondering. This does not mean that it is bad to spend time considering things on a deeper level. Nothing could be further from the truth. However, it does mean that while considering the issues and thoughts of life, it is necessary to remember that we cannot always resolve everything. That is where humility, trust, contentment, and also a grain of patience come into play: all truly important characteristics that, though at times difficult to develop, are priceless in the end.

From Rock Back into Diamond: Daring to be Vibrant

Precious, rare, unique, fallen, but entirely original. This is how each person enters this world. Unaltered by the social pressures of the atmosphere into which he/she was born, each characteristic and appearance was specifically chosen for each individual. No mistakes. No repetitions. This is us at birth.

Then slowly the world seeps in and teaches us that it isn't acceptable to be different, to be unique. Being different makes others uncomfortable and sometimes insecure. So they encourage us to change to become just like they are: empty, carbon copies of the once special creatures they were born to be. And we buy the lie: hook, line, and sinker. No questions asked. We just accept it. We start viewing any differences as character flaws very early in life. All too quickly, we learn to follow the trends and beg our parents to let us do what "everyone else is doing." This prevalent justification seems completely legitimate to us. Surely our parents don't want us to be different. Don't they know how awkward it is to stand out? Don't they want us to just "fit in"?

The problem is that the instant we "fit in" and become just like everyone else, we become common. No more are we the unique creature we were meant to be. We take control of our fates and somehow think we are better off being common than being special. Ironically, after we finally feel like we "fit in," we wonder why it feels so empty and why no one thinks of us as anything more than the average. We are only getting what we sought, but once we get it, it's not as satisfying as we thought it would be. Because we bought the lie long ago, usually without even realizing it. The lie is sly and seductive. It looks so appealing, but it is deadly in the end. It sucks the life and joy out of every person and makes them into more empty statues in the garden of the fallen.

I, too, fell prey to this lie at a young age, though my early environment allowed me to escape its presence for longer than usual. Recently, however, I began to carefully observe those among my acquaintance who I admired and who were generally admired by others. All at once, I realized that these people were the ones who were utterly unique: quirky, unusual, and completely comfortable with that. Because, despite our lifelong struggle to "fit in," a part of us (albeit sometimes grudgingly) admires those who don't. We notice and miss the uniqueness that was meant to be ours.

What is truly remarkable is how gullible we are, not seeing the blatant loss that occurs every time we conceal or lie about some characteristic that makes us who we are. In other instances, it seems so clear, but when applied to people, suddenly we become blind to it. For instance, just ask yourself, why aren't rocks valuable? Because they are common. We find them everywhere. There is nothing special about them. Why are diamonds prized so highly? Because they are rare and difficult to make. See the point? We are born diamonds, but every day we work oh so hard to transform ourselves into common rocks, covering the shimmer with dirt, so that we will fit in. And we don't even see the tragedy occurring right before our eyes and by our own hands.

To further illustrate this point, think back to high school. Did you ever have a foreign exchange student come to school? If yes, what was the usual reaction to this student? Frequently, kids gathered around him/her like moths to light. Why? Because they were different, from a different country, speaking with a different accent, who had seen different things. Whether we like it or not, we all long to be considered different and special. The current "hipster" movement is a clear indication of this hidden desire. Yet if such is the case, why do we spend so much effort trying to be just like everyone else?

But it is not just more socially acceptable to "fit in"; it's also safer and less intimidating. When we learn to blend into the background, we avoid many of the risks that those who stand out take. Yet, though this adds a new level to the effort and makes it more understandable, this does not make it less of a loss. No matter the reasons, it is still a tragedy when a diamond turns to simple rock. Safer is not always better, despite everything our self-defense mechanisms constantly tell us.

So how do we change this? The answer is fairly simple, though admittedly, the execution is much more challenging. Dare to be different. Dare to be vibrant. Don't settle for being common anymore. Will it always be easy? No. There is a constant pressure around us to "fit in" and sometimes the process of becoming who we truly are is flat-out intimidating, but just because something is difficult does not mean it is impossible or not worthwhile. It can be accomplished with daily efforts and small steps. Don't hide behind the mask of the trend. Dare to be just who you are. Dare to stand out.

(It is worthwhile to note, however, that this is not license to do whatever we like, to go wild, or to be unwilling to grow. Self-control is always necessary, no matter if you are pretending to be someone else or simply being yourself. Also, growth is a encouraging part of life that should be sought after, and a willingness to be unique should not become an excuse for complacency. Just let the reason for any change be a desire to grow, not to be like everyone else. Note that one is moving forward, the other regressing.)

An Evening in Summer

Late this summer, soon after the beginning of my first semester of college, I took an evening off from homework and went outside. I took a notebook and a pen, and sat in front of the fountain in the dark, listening to the sounds. As I listened, I wrote...

The world is perfectly still. The fountain creates an unchanging "shhh" as the water springs forth into the air in a burst of pure freedom and then descends gracefully like a ballerina, mingling in the water below before being thrust up again. The breeze blows gently as a dull whisper past my ears. Its hidden messages remain unknown, staying on the edge of discovery, taunting one with its secrets. There is a distant, muted roar as cars drive past on a far-away road. Stone walls grow out of the ground as if planted there by a great mason. The light glances off the rigid walls as our lives against the wheel of eternity. Crickets fill the air with gentle cheeping. The clock tower sounds, breaking the stillness with its deep, majestic sound. A sprinkling of stars are scattered across the night sky, filling one with awe at their distance and beauty. Laughter rings across the open courtyard as if crossing the great expanses of time, echoing from the past. Fireworks fill the air with sudden thunder and brilliancy; then all goes back to its gentle peace. All the sounds join together in perfect harmony, completely uninterrupted and uninhibited by the inward turmoil of our lives. Inside these buildings, there is excitement and anxiety abounding, but outside all remains unchanged - still and serene. Nothing is shocked or harried here...all continues without care or alteration. This night is perfect.

Firing Thoughts Across My Mind

FIRE

What comes to mind when you hear that single word? Charred hillsides after a forest fire, a comforting wood stove, a camp fire, the sound of crackling wood, images of blacksmiths, searing pain... There are many different uses for fire and the scenarios in which it is used can be as opposed as flame and water appear to be. Fire can heat, burn, scorch, illuminate, refine precious metals, destroy, renew, and a myriad of other actions. It is unusual that one element can have this many diverse capabilities. These capacities are not always distinct, but can sometimes combine, evoking strange or surprising responses. When one reaches to adjust wood in a stove, made to provide heat to a home in the winter, it is simple to burn one's hand by mistake. In this one action, fire can cause both comfort and pain.

Symbolically, fire also has the ability to illustrate many truths and emotions, standing in their place to ease one into an understanding before clearing the smoke to reveal what it had been illustrating all along. The emotions most commonly associated with fire are passion (particularly romantic passion) and a temper like lightning (striking quickly and lethally). Hence, the reputation red-headed individuals garner. When analyzed visually, it is interesting that fire illuminates its surroundings much as truth illuminates the darkness that is ignorance. We are born in a state of darkness with flashes of light that are the few basic pieces of knowledge that we possess. As we grow and learn, the darkness is cleared away to reveal the truth about the world. But be warned, it is not requisite that when the darkness dissipates, what the light reveals will be pleasing. Many have said "Ignorance is bliss" and not without reason. This is why children are often described as simply innocent; innocent of evil, of failure, of friends lost and dreams crushed, of abandonment, and of pain. Perhaps they are in darkness, but in the darkness they are safe from what the light illuminates.

Fire also provides warmth and comfort. Without it, many would perish from exposure to the elements when hiking or stranded in the wilderness. In the days prior to the invention of central indoor heating, if fire had not existed to warm the frigid nights, winter would have been an unbearable season, through which few would have survived. Even in places where a fire is not a necessity presently, it is often considered a pleasure - the appealing centerpiece of reunions of all kinds. Many discussions, both light-hearted and weighty, have taken place around a fire pit; the crackling of the logs becoming a mysterious addition to the night sounds, while the flames cast strange shadows on the ground and trees.

Arguably the most enlightening ability of fire is that of refining precious metals. If one had no knowledge to the contrary, it would seem most insensible to place anything of worth within reach of the flames. After all, most materials are destroyed by the intense heat. Contrastingly, fine metals are not desecrated by fire, but rather are made stronger, purer, and more beautiful by the flames. The same idea can be applied metaphorically to people. Depending upon the material of which you are made, trials, pain, and loss will either destroy you or make you stronger, burning away all impurities - leaving a gleaming piece of artwork that has increased worth exponentially by being put through the flames. The heat will burn, but not sear; it will be painful, but you will not be killed; it will not seem worthwhile while you are in the midst of the flames, but the finished product will make you realize that you could never be the person you are without going through the pain. However, this is dependent upon that of which you were made. If you are made of wood, then you will quickly be turned into ash by the fires of tribulation. If you are made of ice, you will melt away under the heat. Only those made of certain metals will last through the fires, becoming glorious in the process. It is worthwhile to note that the name diamond is derived from the ancient Greek αδάμας (adámas), "proper", "unalterable", "unbreakable", "untamed", from ἀ- (a-), "un-" + δαμάω (damáō), "I overpower", "I tame". If one is willing to go through fire and through the intense pressure that is necessary to become a polished diamond or jewel, the result will be a beauty and strength that will not be easily penetrated in the future. However, there is a reason such stones are rare and valuable. There are not many who willingly go through the fire, no matter the result.

As one of the four base elements, it is understandable that fire can be used and understood in so many diverse ways. Nevertheless, sometimes we become stuck in our thinking about certain common elements, seeing them in only one light. It is therefore helpful to investigate the less obvious meanings and sometimes simply to recall them, even if one has understood them in the past.

Benediction

‎"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace."