Cherished Memories

While watching the Harry Potter films, my sister and I often point out which abilities or talents from the films we wish that we had. One thing that I have wished I could do is pick specific memories from my mind and store them, never to fade or diminish with time, as some of the wizards do (particularly in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince). Then the thought occurred to me, if I had this ability, which memories would I desire to keep? Which memories do I consider valuable enough that I would wish to save them forever? Even knowing that it is impossible to do so in reality, it is an interesting question to consider, because it reveals in a roundabout way which memories you cherish the most or consider to be most important. Think about it. Which memories would you choose?

the Complexity of Life & the Simplicity of Words

Frequently, I become frustrated with the futility of communication and the fact that words lack the power to express thoughts and feelings too deep for words. I have considered and written about this frustration on more than one occasion. Tonight, the subject re-entered my mind once again. This time, though, the thought came in a new way. Life has a complexity that cannot possibly be expressed through words that are shallow and thin. It is as if life has numerous dimensions, while words have only one. It is impossible to fully show all the different dimensions that life has using words that are much more simple. This explains why writing is an art form and a talent. A good writer is more rare than one would think. An envied trait of such a person would be the ability to make his/her reader feel what they desire them to, understanding what they are attempting to communicate. It is interesting that a writer's talent is not analyzed by the attempt, but rather on the rate of success. Because it is so difficult to convey complexity through simplistic words, those who can manipulate them in such a way as to make others feel what they do are rightfully considered to have a true gift. However, even the best writers, even the most elegant story, poem, or verse looks shallow next to the depth of feeling of which humans are capable. This is why it is possible at times for a single look to convey more than a book; a silent plea skips over the use of words and strikes directly to the heart.

Times

I know I need You

I need to love You

I love to see You, but it's been so long

I long to feel You

I feel this need for You

And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near You

When we're close, I fear You

Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done

Are You done forgiving?

Oh can You look past my pretending?

Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become

What have I become?

I hear You say,

"My love is over. It's underneath.

It's inside. It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.

The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '

The times you're broken.

The times that you mend.

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.

The times you're hurting.

The times that you heal.

The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.

I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.

I'm there through your heartache.

I'm there in the storm.

My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.

I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.

It never ends."

- "Times" by Tenth Avenue North

Love is never ugly

"Or stay like this forever...as aggressively unattractive outside as you are inside."

"My dad always said how much people like you is directionally proportional to what you look like."

[quotations taken from "Beastly"]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

...Love is never ugly.

Surrounded by a culture where we are defined by our appearance and popularity, it is easy to think that substance is rated below style. It is easy to think that if we are less than the perfect super model or the GQ man then we are less lovable than those who are. Often, people mistakenly believe that outward beauty and love are intimately connected. The error of this type of thinking is that love is utterly disconnected from our appearance - it has absolutely nothing to do with it. In fact, I would argue that it is impossible to love a person solely based on what they look like. It is possible to lust after a person for only that reason; it is possible to like being seen with them for that reason. But love is something completely different from either of these emotions and cannot be inspired simply by physical appearance. Love can be bestowed upon any individual no matter their appearance. And, even if they are outwardly considered to be ugly, if you love them, they will appear truly beautiful to your eyes. But this beauty will be based on your love and, as a result, will not fade when time steals away their youthful appearance. It will last as long as your love does, and grow even more evident to you as your love grows stronger. Others may not see it, but you will. And for others whose eyes are open to such things, watching the interactions of two people who love each other, no matter what they look like, is one of the most beautiful things in existence. Love can make anyone beautiful. Love is never ugly.

Getting Past the Fear

"So if you're scared, why do it?"

"Because the things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile. Just a theory."

a Painful Choice

"If love was a choice, who would choose such exquisite pain?"

The Unseen Backstory

The one advantage to moving frequently is that you have the opportunity to recreate your image and your reputation. Coming to college presented this opportunity to me and it was one I welcomed, in many ways eager to start over. However, I quickly learned that you can't escape your past - it's a part of who you are and it follows you wherever you move. Also, I remembered that who you are right now is the result of your past, not your past itself. In that way, the people you meet now only know half the picture - the part of you that shows itself now. They don't see the "back-story," the path you took to get where you are. These are lessons I have had to learn and remember since coming to college. I especially had to remember that people may not understand why I act in certain ways, why some things are harder for me, or why I am sensitive to certain issues more than others, because they do not know where I've come from. They just see who I am right now. It's easy to misunderstand a person when you just take them at surface-level and don't try to understand everything that turned them into who they are. Though it is impossible to know everything about a person's past, since you weren't there, it is important to consider that there was something more than you can see now.

People think you're strong, but they never saw you when you were weak. People think you're whole, but they never saw you broken. People think you have it easy, but they never saw you when it was hard. People don't always know you. People don't define you.

Pain Taken Out in Anger

I was thinking about the ways through which we often express inward pain, and it occurred to me how often we resort to anger instead of admitting or dealing with the pain. In line with this train of thought, I came across this quotation:

“Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.”

- Tom Gates

Model Image...or Not?

Perfect by nature

Icons of self indulgence

Just what we all need

More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be

Have you no shame? Don't you see me?

You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now

Bow down and stare in wonder

Oh how we love you

No flaws when you're pretending

But now I know she

Never was and never will be

You don't know how you've betrayed me

And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask, where will you hide?

Can't find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now

I know who you are

And I don't love you anymore

It never was and never will be

You don't know how you've betrayed me

And somehow you've got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be

You're not real and you can't save me

Somehow now you're everybody's fool

- "Everybody's Fool" Evanescence

Life's Results

Though I would likely disagree with most of the philosophies he espouses, this quote by Richard Bach is an intriguing one that elicits worthwhile thought:

I gave my life to become the person I am right now. Was it worth it?

Speech vs. Idle Chatter

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”

- Plato

Solitude in the Midst of the Crowd

"What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tears: Weakness or Release

I was reading an article in the New York Times about the scientific explanation of saltiness versus bitterness. The results the author and scientist made after their experimentation expounded on a thought that had already occurred to me tonight. The thought was: "Tears are salty, because you are shedding the bitterness of your heart." Interestingly, the result of the article was that salt suppresses bitterness better than sugar. The conclusion I came to from this was that you can relieve bitterness better through crying than you can by pretending to be sweet when you are truly upset. This is hardly advice to run around crying or venting every emotion on a regular basis. There is a time and place for everything. Meaning there is a time to be strong, and a time to surrender, a time to speak, and a time to listen, a time to share, and a time to keep to yourself. There is a great deal to be said for being able to control one's emotions. Those who constantly give themselves over to anxiety or pain are rarely more than weak. At the same time, cultures have taught us over the decades that tears are always a sign of weakness, while this is simply not the case. Tears are sometimes an appropriate and needed release. Constantly denying that the pain exists will not resolve it. Sometimes tears can be a necessary part of letting go and moving forward. If you do not move on, a common result is that you will become miserable, bitter, or angry. Here again ties in the thought from the article: salt suppresses bitterness better than sugar. Remember, there is a time to be controlled and a time to cry. Even crying, it is relevant to note, should be controlled and not just released in a wild torrent of emotion. Throughout this subject, self-control is key. Self-control in holding one's self together and self-control in letting the tears fall.

Further food for thought on this subject: "People cry, not because they are weak, but because they've been strong for too long."